Timely return of the doctor

It was bound to happen.

After wandering running cycling many hills over the past year, Doctor LCM returned to her office to find a stack of letters so high she failed to locate the door handle to the BADASS* clinic.

Undeterred, she binned recycled the lot save for this one gem which she has deemed fit to share with her devoted audience.

And here we go.


"Dear Doctor LCM,

No one likes me. 

All the kids in the playground - who are mostly boys - make fun of me behind my back and play cruel pranks all the time. Whenever I try to tell them off, they just snigger amongst themselves and tell me to stop being such a cry baby, it was only a bit of fun.

If I go to the teacher, they act all innocent and pretend that I am the one at fault, which inevitably means I look even more stupid and unreasonable, presumably because I cannot 'take a joke' in the spirit it was intended.

I once had a great sense of humour and used to run through wheat fields when the farmer was not looking, trampling some of the stalks and having a little wee behind the hay bales without anyone seeing me. It was very naughty but I knew when enough was enough. 

These awful boys are making my life a misery and they also fight amongst themselves too as if still at preschool! It is exhausting and detracting from my aim in life to be a great leader.

What do you suggest?

Hopefully,
May Bot"


Doctor LCM replies:

"Dear May Bot,

Give up now while you're still (marginally) ahead and hand over to someone more capable of:
a) making a decision
b) showing some backbone
c) slapping down irritating schoolboy antics
d) putting pranksters on the naughty step, preferably for a very, very long time

The wheat fields await you, trust me.

You're welcome.

Dr LCM"


If you too have a pressing business or personal matter that you would like answered or on which to receive similar valuable advice, please submit to the Doctor and wait patiently in line.

* Business Advisory and Select Services