Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Pinch punch

Ohmygawd what? Another month end? What the actual flippety flip? (I am forsaking swearing because my mother is likely to read this)
How the devil did that happen?

Yes, tomorrow is the FIRST of JULY people.

Here is a summary of the news headlines, before they actually hit the airwaves in the morning.

Breaking news.

BONG (that's Big Ben chiming, in case you had no idea what I am on about)

Greece has left the EU and is now part of China. They have adopted the renminbi as their new national currency and lessons in Cantonese and Mandarin will be introduced as a compulsory part of the national curriculum from September. Which is a good thing as there was no national curriculum to speak of beforehand unless you count gesticulating and being loud - a trait also common in other countries such as Italy, Spain, Portugal...


Kanye West has changed his name. He will henceforth be known as Dick. He has demanded that all those who hail him must bow and scrape before his magnificent being and address him only as 'Holy Dick'. Those who fail to categorically follow this mandate will be castigated and forced to wear labels around their necks for the duration of one month that read: There is only one Dick and I am not Him.


Heatwave enters day two in Britain. With the thermometers rising steadily for the first time since 2014, the great pale public expressed surprise that this should occur in their fair isle rather than on shores further afield. Members of the populace were caught unaware by the calendar that read JULY, and complained repeatedly about the inconvenience of having to deal with warmth, sunshine, flimsy clothing and lightweight shoes. The Met Office duly complied and changed its forecast to promise thunderstorms, downpours and generally dismal conditions for the remainder of the summer months.


A new book takes the business world by storm. After a fraught two-year wait, the much-anticipated tome of wisdom is finally revealed to ecstatic audiences: LCM's audacious, amusing and utterly amazing new book 'How to stack a dishwasher' was released to rave reviews and is steadily climbing up the bestseller list.
"A 'must read'!" enthused the FT.
"Don't know how I managed without it!" exulted The Economist.
"A revelation of real life in a working woman's world!" wrote Harvard Business Review.
"Where's my free copy?" asked most of the blogging community.

As you were then. That's enough excitement for one evening.

You're welcome.


Monday, 22 June 2015

It's here, it's here

Yes, FINALLY, the long-awaited labour of love is now published and available via Kindle or paperback.

I give you all the pertinent, funny and original (including cartoons) career guide for women that is like no other:

The marketing and promotion machine is underway - if you would like to know more or are interested in having me present at seminars or conferences, please contact me directly!

And spread the word :-)


Monday, 8 June 2015

When all else fails, head to Sweden

So. Things appear to be on an eternal 'go-slow' loop at the moment.

Calls are not returned.
Emails take days to be answered.
Individuals require endless chasing for updates.
Replies are not exactly what you are hoping for.
Projects take forever and then more to get off the ground.
Work undertaken comes consistently under the perennial 'free' banner.

The one saving grace is that the hard proof copy of my book should come through the letterbox any day now. At least then I can look at it and reflect on how productive I have been despite all the crap mentioned above.
Never mind that it has taken the best part of three years in the making and the editing and revising almost drove me to distraction.

But there are things to look forward to.

Like an impromptu trip to Sweden with my lovely friend Dancing Queen (yes, there is an ABBA connection), one of the Kevinettes (Tough Mudda, it was her idea after all) and another girlfriend who now lives Out-In-The-Sticks.

We have been promised fresh air, long evenings drinking wine on the porch, vigorous walks and... weeding.

Yes, indeed. Dancing Queen's garden at her home in Sweden apparently is in dire need of some love and attention, so in exchange for food and lodging we are going to be donning gloves, hunkering down over the flowerbeds, and getting dirty knees.

It all sounds very Bergman.

Or, as I understand the locals would have it, "Ingen ko på isen". *

* "No cow on the ice", ie "No worries".


Yadda yadda yadda...