Sunday, 8 February 2015

LCM's CBB (celebrity bashing bunfight)

Four years ago I wrote this. It still holds water. My opinions have not changed (funny that).

However, I am increasingly annoyed with respected online newspapers being hijacked by stupid stories that serve no purpose other than to make you a) click on the link just to see what the fuss is all about, or b) waste time reading total tat. I guess that's the point though, right?

So I thought I would add an updated 2015 version of 'Celebrity Bashing' to my earlier list. Do feel free to join in and post your own, the more the merrier.

Here we go.

My top five celebrities I would happily slap around the head with a damp wetsuit, part deux.

In fifth position: Ed Miliband.
(Yes, yes, I know he's a politician, but it's my list and my rules)

There is one reason I am leader of the Labour party,
and it is uhmm, err... damn, what was it?

Because, just, zzzzzzzz. And now that a former PM has stated that he "will do what it takes" to help him win the general election, well, what more can I add? Aside from thinking that David Cameron must be jumping around his kitchen shouting hallelujah and thanking his own lucky stars. Talk about a 'gift from heaven'... Oh, yes. And the Wallace likeness. Hmmm.

peas in a pod

In fourth place: Katie Hopkins.

Never heard of me? Really? Lucky break!

In all honesty I have no idea what she is saying - aside from it being rather a lot, most of it obnoxious or offensive to someone - as I only ever came across her in series three of The Apprentice. Possibly her one redeeming feature (which I discovered whilst researching this incredibly well thought-out and highly intellectual blog post) has been calling that piece of vapourware that occupies third place, "A nobody with a pair of tits." Talk about stating the obvious.
But she otherwise clogs up the airwaves (read: serious news) and that in itself deserves a place on the podium of shame.

At number three: Katie Price.

A pink unicorn. Because that's
what I want to be when I grow up

Honestly? Still here? How tedious to have to live your entire life yo-yo-ing between the tabloids with tales of sex, plastic surgery, foul-mouthed tirades, more sex, more plastic surgery, absurd names for offspring, feuds with ex husbands, ex boyfriends, ex friends, ex anything.... ex-hausting. Can someone please adopt her and dispatch her mind-numbing fakeness to, oh, I don't know, Siberia? One way ticket please, thank you.

Runner up: Kim Kardashian.

Waaaah! They said I was too stupid to have a Twitter account

In a nutshell, I just don't 'get it'. Or maybe I just live in a parallel universe and fail to appreciate the intrinsic value of someone who thinks posing naked, doused in baby oil, in an effort to 'break the internet' is akin to finding a cure for ebola or ending the crisis in Syria. Hah! Silly me.

And in first place: Russell Brand.

nothing of note to say

Total twat. No more to add. Aside possibly from three words: waste of space.


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