Sunday, 18 May 2014

Return of the random conversations with my training partner

Anyone remember BB?

My erstwhile training partner who succumbed to the lure of a military boot camp style personal trainer (née Elliott, now apparently called James, or Hugo, or Ranulph or something - tsk, so fickle...) and seemingly left my side forever, leaving me to wallow in my tears, drown my sorrows in electrolyte drinks and sample disgusting energy gels all on my own?

Guess what?


Yes. Absolutely true.

A couple of laps of Richmond Park very early before the Sunday cycling mayhem posses descended.

And guess what else?


Best 'aerobic' activity she has had in ages, apparently.

Knew I was still good for something.
She doesn't get that with Elliott James Whatshisface.

Small victories.

*claps hands in happiness*

(c) Scott Adams
* or very chatty training partner to distract you


Monday, 12 May 2014

Unsolicited advances - part two

In case you missed it, part one was just over two years ago.

Let's put some context around this, before I veer off into another rambling post about nothing in particular.

PR people - TAKE NOTE.

1. I do not 'do' sponsor posts
2. Any badges, links or other paraphernalia that appear on my blog are there because I like them (as The Moose and La Fuga will attest)
3. I write my own content

That's it.

So, dear [insert random name here], let me make myself absolutely clear.

Whilst your offer to 'contribute' to my site is, indeed, very generous on your behalf, and you state how much you like my 'website' (you words, not mine, and it's a BLOG btw, not an online shopping venue) and how you can write about all kinds of interesting subjects like arts (okay), sport (yes, good), nutrition (hmmm) and parenting (are you kidding me?), and even addiction (seriously, wtf?), I really, really, really, REALLY am not interested.

In payment or otherwise.

And even less in allowing you to surreptitiously take over my blog by 'mentioning' a partner/resource/sponsor/sham artist/whatever in your incredibly creative piece you are proposing to post on my site.

Three words of advice for you:
Get. Your. Own.

And one for me:

(as in the key, just in case you were wondering why I never responded to your email)


Saturday, 10 May 2014

Bastard Squirrel

This week has seen me feeling like this:


Not because I have been busy with paid work (as OH is wont to remind me), but due to my on-going battle with Bastard Squirrel.

akin to a possum, complete with
tail-hanging acrobatics

Whilst I can appreciate the inventiveness of a rodent who manages to overcome string, wire and chains - all construed to prevent it from depleting the nuts from 'squirrel-proof' bird feeders (hah! squirrel-proof my arse) - I have really had enough.

I have now resorted to my second-last option:

Lashings of it. Thick-as-it-comes, super slippery, water-and-weather proof. All up and down the chains (heavy enough on their own, not that this deterred Bastard Squirrel from devising a method akin to pulling water from a well to reach his booty).

Let's see how long this lasts as a deterrent.*

Last option will follow. It looks like this:

Target practice.
Something else to keep me entertained.

* I give it thirty-six hours


Yadda yadda yadda...