Sunday, 16 February 2014

The exclusive interview

A phone call.
An introduction.
A request for an exclusive insight.*

How could I refuse?

Indeed, I couldn't.

I didn't need to even dress up or put on mascara.
Or change out of my filthy training kit for that matter.
Gotta love the phone sometimes, it even outranks Skype on such occasions.

Interviewer: So, I hear you are training for the London Marathon? I thought you took part in triathlons?

LCM: Hello there! Thanks for having me on the show. I was so excited to receive the phone call this morning literally out of the blue and be asked to take part in your Q&A session. Of course, this isn't the first time I have been interviewed, or appeared on the telly for that matter - but that's a whole other story, ha ha ha ha, and I was only nineteen at the time and it was the equivalent of 'Blind Date' in Australia, can't remember the name of the show, oh yes, it was 'Perfect Match', which I was, the perfect match that is, but I didn't get chosen which is just as well as he was a short-arsed peroxide dunce anyway - but either way, well, WOW! How fantastic! Imagine silly little me being interviewed! That's just great. Wait until I call my mum and tell her. Sorry, what was the question?

Interviewer: What made you take up this challenge?

LCM: Which challenge? Oh, you mean the marathon? Yes, well, I woke up on new year's day with a slightly woolly head and remembered walking home the night before wearing someone else's borrowed wellies - because otherwise I would have had to trek the two kilometres home in high stiletto heels - and that led me to answering an email from many months earlier about joining a team to run the London Marathon. Which now makes even less sense than it did at the time, but, hey-ho, too late now!

Interviewer: How do you find the time to train?

LCM: I steal it from the family. The kids have a rota that sees them alternate washing, cooking, shopping, cleaning, vacuuming duties. My OH chips in when he doesn't have his work phone glued to his ear. I occasionally see them long enough to thank them - and the fire brigade - for not setting the kitchen alight or bringing home stray dogs, although I fear their enthusiasm is waning somewhat as my dinner is more frequently burnt of late.

Interviewer: Do you follow a special diet?

LCM: Aside from food? Uhmm, not particularly. Should I be?

Interviewer: What have you learnt so far on this journey?

LCM: How long have you got? Let's see... 1. Anyone who says you don't need to pee during a long run either has a bladder of steel or wet knickers. 2. I hate being overtaken. 3. I will never run a four minute mile. 4. My feet hurt. 5. Likewise my knees. 6. Sitting down is nice, but getting up is painful. 7. Do you need more? I could go on for a while here...

Interviewer: Where do you get your motivation from?

LCM: You kidding me? Fresh air, the great outdoors, hours away from domestic chores, school homework, client projects, work proposals, no WiFi, no phone, no concerns... Unless you count the mud. And the rain. And the cold. And the looks from well-heeled pedestrians who give a wide berth when you are approaching.

Interviewer: Any special tips for our listeners?

LCM: Yes. Take up a knitting.

Interviewer: And after this, what next?

LCM: I am going on a cycling camp! Actually, that is before the marathon. Not sure how the running fits in, but I'll figure it out. Oh, and skiing! Also before the marathon. No idea how the running fits in there either, but the marathon is the day after we get back, so as long as I don't break a leg...

Interviewer: What would be your parting words of wisdom for others looking to run a marathon?

LCM: Do not borrow wellies from friends on new year's eve. They put funny ideas in your head.

Warning: can seriously affect
your judgement

* this may well have all taken place in my imagination


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