Tuesday, 21 January 2014

The doctor is back

(c)  Shultz
After a disgraceful absence of some eighteen months since the inaugural edition, the doctor is back. The BADASS clinic is up and running once more.

Yes indeed.

Send Doctor LCM your tales of woe and pity, your sorry stories of misunderstanding, miscomprehension and mishaps, and the doctor will endeavour to conjure up some words of sarcasm wisdom to see you on your merry way.

There have been LOADS of enquiries sent the doctor's way since last posting in this regard.

Sadly, most of the exchanges have been of the verbal type, with a variety of helpful swearing cynical commentary analyses offered to the numb nuts fools patients seeking soothing and reassuring words of advice. Satisfaction guaranteed, even if not to your liking.

For today's post, I have selected a little gem that will resonate with many.

"Dear Doctor LCM,

In my line of work of multimedia communication and strategic visioning, I am regarded as one of the foremost experts in data analysis methodology and technical dissemination. 

Yet in ordinary day-to-day life when I attempt to mix with my peers - most of whom I find, I have to admit, of an mind set inferior to my own - no one fully comprehends, let alone appreciates, my extraordinary levels of acumen nor is willing to take on board my thorough and insightful views about effective governance, statistical validity and managerial countenance to the daily musings of the mass populace.

I feel very alienated and misunderstood. 

What can I do to earn the respect I deserve?

Yours in higher brainpower,

Doctor LCM replies:

"Dear Wilma

Afraid you lost me at 'visioning'. The rest of your letter is merely resonating like an annoying tinny noise in my poor little head - you know what I mean, like the sound you hear when the dipstick on the tube sitting next to you has his music playing too loud on his iPod? Yes, that.

So, what can you do to earn the respect you crave?

I would suggest upping sticks and moving to a deserted island somewhere in the Pacific. That way you can talk to the seashells and indulge in the sound of your own voice forever more without winding up normal human beings.

I am sure the 'peers' you so earnestly condescend would happily contribute to your flight. One way only, of course.

You're welcome,


If you too have a pressing business-related matter that you would like answered or on which to receive valuable advice, please submit to the Doctor and wait patiently in line.


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