Tuesday, 18 December 2012

A summary of events

'Tis the season and all that malarky. Yah boo, bah humbug.
To those of you who know me well enough by now, my aversion to the Christmas cheer is nothing new.
To those who don't - and I'm looking at YOU Mrs and Mr PR Person - well, time for my own version of festive fun.

I like to think of it as an alternative to the dreaded year-end circular letter (which I have covered before), a succinct summary of anecdotes collated throughout the year, a LCM tongue-in-cheek top three (by sector) of what has amused me during 2012.

Work related:
  1. "What part of your sales job is unclear?" (in answer to a salesperson who stated they 'could not go after new business' because it was outside their job description)
  2. "I think the clue to your role is in your job title - 'Field' Sales?" (rebuttal to an individual who insisted they needed a permanent office-based desk)
  3. "Hitting your target is part of your sales remit, that means 100%, not 85%" (when queried why I was restructuring commission payments)
Family related:
  1. "No." ("Do I get a gold star for making my bed?")
  2. "No." ("Can I change the gears in the car? I know how to drive!" Blossom, then aged 7)
  3. "Uhmm..." ("Where do you go to make a baby?" "Hospital?" "No mummy, where do they go to do it?")
Kevin related:
  1. "Did you read the correct book?" (as we ponder whether senility is taking over)
  2. "What's for dinner?" (very important issue for our book club)
  3. "Can anyone remember the titles?" (see point 1 above)

Training related:
  1. "Damn shame that!" (upon being told the swim part of the Windsor triathlon had been cancelled due to persistent adverse weather conditions) 
  2. "Elliot says no more bananas, and I need to eat more nuts." (BB's new personal trainer, aged 24 or less)
  3. "Run like you are jumping over little puddles!" (realising that I have to 'unlearn' some forty years of bad habits)

Anyone else have some other gems they would like to add?

Creative interpretation via Scott Adams (c)

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