Thursday, 25 October 2012

The doctor will see you again

(c) Charles Schultz
Since the inaugural edition of Doctor LCM's BADASS consulting sessions, my inbox has been inundated with all kinds of requests for advice, solicited or otherwise.

Mind you, an inordinate amount of the emails received have to do with random strangers asking whether they can provide me with 'guest posts', or pay me to 'link to a site', or even send me some [insert random name of toy/food/clothing here] for me to test and review and blog about.

FFS. Do these people not realise how precious my time is? Tsk. Really. Impertinent little buggers.
More importantly, do they really really REALLY read my blog? I doubt it. As demonstrated in this little exchange that took place earlier in the year.

Anyway, I digress.

Doctor LCM is BACK.

The letter being addressed today hails from Nigel (not his real name, although I somehow think it might be his real name as it sounds like a real 'Nigel' type problem).

"Dear Doctor LCM

Please can you help me. I work in sales for a very important company. I spend lots of time pulling together spreadsheets and lists and writing very long explanatory emails that demonstrate how effective I am in my job, how well I am doing against my targets, and how good my prospects are. Yet whenever I am invited to attend a sales forecast meeting I am confronted with phrases such as "upside", "stripped out", "ripped revenue", and when I ask questions I am told to "take it offline". 
It is very confusing and I cannot understand what they are talking about. Why can they not speak plain English?

Yours sincerely,
Muddled Nigel"

Doctor LCM replies:

Dear Nigel,

Really? Life is too short. Claim the time back, quit, book a one-way flight to Havana and enjoy your days in the sun.

Trust me. Noone else will ever be bold enough to tell you that you are in the wrong job.

You're welcome.

Dr LCM

If you too have a pressing business-related matter that you would like answered or on which to receive valuable advice, please submit to the Doctor and wait patiently in line.


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