LCM - Have you see our start time for Windsor?
BB - Are we Vets at 06.24????
LCM - Oh yes. Welcome to the world of over 40s.
BB - Don't like it AT ALL! Was hoping it was Vet for a team of veterinarians...
After the event itself.
One week later by email. Not having done enough, WW has competed in another triathlon without us.
WW - Well I came in 11th in the Henley Tri. Pretty pleased. But if I hadn't forgotten the energy sweet stashed in my trainer (then stuck resiliently to the bottom of my sock!) I might've come 8th and won my age category. Oh such transition faffing... My most hopeless fiddling yet! Heck, it'll just spur me on for the Shock Absorber...
BB - That is superb! Very well done - I am sorry we could not come and support. Now, the energy sweet on the sock is sensational - I wonder if that is a first. You definitely need elasticated laces - they would have allowed a quick correction.... How funny... Yeap. Need to get in the pool and lake for the Shock Absorber! LCM - get on your trainers :-)
WW - LCM, get on your trainers with no sweetie attached...! Apparently Blenheim is a good Tri to try - all on the Estate, roads closed. But there's a lovely one swimming in the sea across Swanage Bay too, which sounds gorgeous. Don't listen to me. Too much Waitrose Vintage cider...
LCM (making mental note of all these proposed plans and appropriate catalogue of excuses that will be required in order to opt out) - Yes, yes, yes. Crikey Moses. Just as well you didn't have an energy sweet. You would have enrolled us all in another one without us knowing! Running tomorrow. Went swimming at Datchet yesterday, still pathetic, but had film crew in tow so am blaming it all on the vintage swim cap I was wearing for the occasion. At least am hoping my Halle Berry impression exiting the water was worth the effort.
LCM - The crazy Brazilian has just made me enrol in the Hyde Park sprint triathlon on August 6th. We need you too! Entries selling out fast, let me know, will sign you up as am sure you cannot wait to take part!
WW- Sorry, I can't. Will be in Norfolk.
LCM - Great excuse. Wish I had thought of that one.
LCM - WW in Norfolk that weekend so cannot join us.
BB - Can't she change that? There must be a train on Saturday morning...
LCM (wonders whether she should give BB a map of Britain)
BB - Let's set our own challenges for the relay triathlon. I will swim 800m in under 16 minutes. You?
WW - I will cycle 30km in under an hour.
LCM - I will run 7.5km standing upright and facing forward. I might do it quicker if I can hitch a piggy-back from one of the elite competitors who are starting behind us.
BB (laughing hysterically) - "Bwah ha ha ha ha ha..."
LCM (sighing) - "What now?"
BB - "Have just watched your video for the fifth time!"
LCM - "And?"
BB - "You missed your calling in life!"
LCM - "Hmmm, true. Of course, you were supposed to be in it as well."
BB - "I was busy."
LCM - "I seem to recall you overslept?"
BB - "I went back to sleep after being woken at 5am by one of the twins."
LCM - "Very busy then. Sleeping."
Registering for the Shock Absorber Women Only triathlon.
Race Volunteer - "And your team name?"
LCM - "The Nutters."
RV (snorts with laughter)
LCM - "Yeah, I'd laugh too if I weren't competing."
At the Shock Absorber Women Only triathlon.
LCM - "Who are you waving at?"
BB - "I am stretching."
LCM - "You look like you are waving at someone."
BB - "I am stretching."
LCM - "Oh. Okay. Looking good, looking good."
LCM & BB (shouting from the sideline) - "Go, go, go WW! Ride like you are going to pass out!"
WW whizzes by at a speed of knots.
LCM - "Of course, if she passes out she will fall off her bike."
BB (looks at LCM disapprovingly) - "You cannot be serious?"
LCM - "Joke. I need to get ready."
BB - "That was only her fourth lap, she has another two to go."
LCM - "At that speed I will barely have time for a pee before changeover."
BB - "Are you stretching?"
LCM - "Dunno. Is that what it looks like?"
BB - "Uhmmm, yes."
LCM - "Okay, I'm stretching then."
Day after Shock Absorber Women Only triathlon.
LCM - We came 9th out of 34 relay teams.Good effort and happy to see I was not the slowest runner.
WW - Hey, fab effort. Not slow at all. We zoomed! Dolphin swimming, Lance-like biking, Bolt-like running!
LCM - Think less Bolt and more Usain, as in "What U Sayin'?" Going for picnic in Richmond Park on bikes as cannot face more time in the car this weekend!
A few hours later.
WW - Dear Usain. Don't blame you. M25 is a joy. Lance.
And the actual results.
LCM - "How the devil did the seventh-placed team run 7.5km in 17 mins 10 secs?"
OH - "Usain Bolt?"