Saturday, 26 March 2011

Random conversations with my training partner

LCM  - "I always looks at people's nails and shoes."
BB - "Why?"
LCM - "It tells me about their character, more than their clothes or demeanour."
BB - "Really?"
LCM - "Yes. A CEO can be dressed in designer suits, wear a Tag Heuer watch, flash his cards about, but if his nails are chewed to the quick or his shoes are scuffed or worn down at the heel, that tells me more than anything he can say to me to impress."
BB - " I chew my nails."
LCM - "Oh."

LCM - "So this guy decides to make the whole redundancy issue at work a race-related one and tells me I am only 'getting rid of him' because he is black."
BB - "What colour is he?"
LCM - "Uhmmm. Black?"

BB - "Are you seriously going to become a rugby coach?"
LCM - "Yes."
BB - "But what will OH say when you sit by him during matches and have a running commentary about all the decisions and penalties, etc etc etc?"
LCM - "No idea. Divorce?"

BB - "Have you enrolled in the West Wight Triathlon for this year yet?"
LCM - "Uhmm... (sheepishly) No."
BB - "Why not?"
LCM - "I haven't got round to it yet."
BB - "What are you waiting for? (taps foot impatiently)"
LCM - "End of Lent?"

LCM - "I will be working from home next Thursday, we could go for a bike ride at lunch time?"
BB - "It's my mother's birthday."
LCM - "Is she going to come with us?"

BB - "The spot lights in my kitchen are not working and I called the electrician who said it is a fault with the wiring and they will have to drill holes in the ceiling to figure out where the problem is."
LCM - "Did you get a second opinion?"
BB - "Yes, and the fellow fixed it too."
LCM - "Excellent. No holey ceiling then?"
BB - "True, and we have dimmers as well now on the lights."
LCM - "Very flash."
BB - "Yes, convenient when I haven't done any tidying up."

LCM - "Unbelievable. Almost a year ago we were flying out to Brazil."
BB - "Doesn't time fly?"
LCM - "Yup. A year also since the worst floods in twenty years, and the infamous volcanic ash catastrophe."
BB - "I am a year older."
LCM - "That too."


Friday, 18 March 2011

What the eye sees... back by popular demand

Goodness, how long since the last episode? As the photographic ventures via the old mode of transport are now fewer and far between, it has taken some time to pull this one together. However, not being one to shirk off responsibilities, I thought it only dutiful of me to finally download these specimens for another installment.

So without further ado, I give you the following delightful samples of commuter oddities in and around London.


First up, we have the odd couple threesome: her, him, and the hat.

It's me or the big cat, okay? Your call miaow

Then there was the commuter whose legs were so bright they startled fellow passengers,

Are those legal? Do I dial the transport police?
Anyone here have their number?
And the fellow who got carried away with knitting ski-wear patterns and decided to incorporate trousers into his repertoire.

This is what itchy looks like

The business woman sporting a purple mohawk (very blurry photo but I had to run after her to snap this, much to the consternation of my colleagues who clearly marked me as 'bonkers' hereafter)

Surely you cannot be serious?

And the lady who overdid the Argyle 'look' but more importantly failed spectacularly to coordinate her shoes after all that effort. Black and red and white and... uhmm... purple?

I got dressed in the dark dah-ling, okay?
The woman who loved her shaggy dog so much she turned it into a jacket (possibly related to the woman wearing her cat on her head of the last related post?)

Is it? Is it?
It's a dog's life *sigh*

And finally this one. The gnome's hat doubling up as a hairband. Honestly, I thought she was stalking me, everywhere I turned on the tube it was right in front of me.
Oh. Hang on. Stalkers are normally behind you... hmmm...

I auditioned for 'Gnomeo and Juliet' but did not get the part

But I got to keep the prop

And I am going to wear it everywhere. Always. So there.
P.S. No work colleagues have been a) photographed, b) mentioned, or c) ridiculed in this post.
I think.

Disclaimer: these posts are not meant to offend, they are totally tongue-in-cheek. If you have been captured on film, congratulations, you caught my attention. If this offends you I am truly sorry. A simple email with proof of identity will see you removed tout suite. Just like that.


Thursday, 10 March 2011

Kevin comes home

How time flies when you're having fun.

It seems like barely yesterday that the Kevinettes were reconvening, musing about recent readings, lambasting authors for their sloppy endings, laughing about items that were totally non-book related.

Oh, and eating the host out of house and home and drinking far too much wine for a weekday night.

Never mind. The excitement this time round centred on two events.

Firstly, the welcome reappearance of our proverbial 'lost sheep', the Accountant-turned-Nutritionist who took a previous warning to heart and decided she could not face the ridicule any more of belonging to a book club but not *ahem* reading any of the books.

We did emphasise that most of us fail spectacularly to complete all our 'homework', but it would appear she was so intent with her studies that the thought of reading for pleasure was a total anomaly, and a barely contemplable one at that. Never mind. Now that she is fully qualified and on the brink of a new glorious - and much envied - career, there are no more excuses. So, back in to the fray.

Secondly, the arrival of some new pets. The Botanical Artist announced they had a couple of recent arrivals in their household. "Oh!" we all gushed, "What did you get?", visions of puppies and kittens bouncing through our over-active minds.

"A rat. Two actually," she replied, smiling broadly.

Deathly silence.

"A rat?" someone ventured. I think it was the Lovely Radiographer.

"Yes," came the reply, "But it's a fancy rat!"

"What? It wears a bow tie?" I asked, images of Stuart Little racing though my head (and yes, I know he is a mouse).

Anyway. One sheep, two rats, seven loud women, a couple of books, one weekday night and plenty of food and wine. What do you have?

A case of a ratty Lassie taking the piss.

Sod off will you? I have a hangover
Yes, the Kevinettes. Gotta love 'em.


Monday, 7 March 2011

Random thoughts

We had a dinner party recently. One of the guests gave me a little present from which I have lifted the following quote:

"Don't grudge the years you spend on child-bearing and child-rearing. Remember you are training future citizens, and it is the most important mission in the world." *

Now whilst you might question the rationale behind this gift - bequeathed by a good friend and very successful businesswoman in her own right who shares my sense of humour - it was appropriate in its timing.

Something about the phrase got me thinking. How many times are you caught unaware, or by surprise, or totally off guard, by an action or a discourse or a comment, that has you questioning the motives behind an individual?

For example: you bend over backwards to accommodate a request, keep tabs on how much can be done at any one time, make sure all parties are happy, and then...

And then your child tells you they wanted to go to So-and-So's party after all. Tsk.

Or you go beyond the call of duty and put together a package that is in line with policies, approved by the powers that be, and a progressive step forward, and then...

And then it is thrown back in your face because your child tells you they don't like pesto pasta in their lunch box and you should have known.

Sound familiar? Thought so.

Of course, there could be many analogies with work. You know what I mean.
The far left field attack that catches you unaware but gives you a true insight about mental age and ability.
The whiny lament about being picked on and poked fun of that is unfair, dammit.
The self-righteous opinion that leaves you stumped for an reply.

Yep. Home and work. It all blurs into one.
Ultimately the target is still the same.

Just as well I have (relatively) thick skin. All those years in the dealing room served a purpose.

* Don'ts for Wives by Blanche Ebbutt (1913)
Photo courtesy the superb Gary Larson


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