Thursday, 7 October 2010

Spanking the monkey

A friend recently said that if you have a job you hate (like stacking shelves, working the checkout, or even counting chickens whilst waiting for them to hatch), you should aim to get certain phrases into your conversation when dealing with customers to alleviate the boredom.

Her token sample was "I love to spank the monkey," or words to that effect.

Either way, it reminded me of a time in years gone by when I was at high school and three of us dared each other to insert a particular word into our discussions with our literature teacher. Easier said than done.

Firstly, the teacher was young enough and clued up enough to realise very quickly if we were sabotaging her class.
Secondly, we had to keep a straight face and continue talking as if nothing happened.
Thirdly, the word.

Now I'll be honest here. I cannot for the life of me remember what the word was - aside that we obviously found it very funny - but suffice to say that only one of us managed to complete the dare. Alas, 'twas not me.

So I thought the time was nigh to try it again. Between phone calls leading up to the next job, dropping my mobile down the loo, and recent posts with lavatorial titles, I needed something to amused myself.

Given that I talk pretty fast (and that's just in English), I thought I would get away with it.
What I forgot is that if you talk fast, people miss what you said the first time and ask you to repeat it.

More  s l o w l y.

What did I say? Oh, you know, the usual thing.
"Do you have this dress in constipation, size twelve please?"

Yadda yadda yadda...