Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Recipe for Mr Right that does not include Daniel Craig

If I were any older I would say "I don't believe it".
Any younger, I would throw a tantrum.
As it is, I can do neither as I am restricted by my wetsuit.

That woman has tagged me and told me in no uncertain terms that I cannot nominate my secret passion and be done with it.



So, I have to give her my recipe for Mr or Mrs Right. My top ten things I look for in a man or woman. She says "Think about it, this could be a golden opportunity. If you are single someone might read your post and get in touch because they tick all your boxes."

Err, hello? Last time I looked I was married. Well, either that or I have been misled for some time and have no idea who these small people are or why they keep referring to me as "Mummy".

Okay. So the male thing is pretty much done and dusted. And if you have doubts as to what I look for, feast your eyes again here.

Which leaves 'the woman'. Hmmm. Interesting. Let's put a different twist on this, yes?
The top ten things I look for in a woman (this is no guarantee of enduring friendship, you have been warned).

  1. Is capable of distinguishing left foot from right foot and putting shoes on correctly
  2. Can walk in them without falling over or resembling John Wayne recently dismounted from his horse
  3. Ability to read instructions
  4. Ability to then use knowledge gained under point 3 and apply to ridiculous gadget
  5. Ability to hand over said gadget to male counterpart with dignity and the words "I am sure you will enjoy this more than I ever could" without gritting teeth or forcing smile due to inability to comprehend what it is supposed to do in the first place
  6. Tidiness
  7. Regular employment of cleaner/housekeeper/laundry master to ensure compliance with point 6 if own skill set is lacking, or failing that a military drill that involves small children and bribes to put things back in their places
  8. Good dental hygiene
  9. Organisational skills (shopping, play dates, travel plans, after school care,  massage, cooking, financial planning, channel surfing, takeaway delivery ordering, nightwatch duties, team management, leadership by example, fitness training...)
  10. Does not snore*
  11. And one more (yes Emma, I know you said ten, but cut me some slack here, okay? Geez): a sense of humour. For further detail, see here.
So, think you have what it takes to be my NBF (next best friend)? Then grab my button if you're game and play along. In the meantime I am passing the buck to a few others, because I'm nice like that, I am.
and (drum roll please) Hot Cross Mum

Oh, and one last thing.

Daniel I will do your washing & ironing any time

* vital when sharing rooms on holidays or girls' nights out - LCM has been known to kick offenders violently at 2am who do not comply with this requirement and then deny all knowledge of bruising and/or shaven eyebrows the following morning


Yadda yadda yadda...