Monday, 27 September 2010

An interlude before the next "What the eye sees" post

Whilst I wait for A Modern Military Mother to sort herself out and get her backside up to London for our much-postponed joint ‘What the eye sees’ tour de force around the London transport system, I thought I would offer a temporary alternative.

Temporary as this does in no way replace the original 'commuter delights' version. However, despite being (again) in between contracts, my trusty mobile has not stopped snapping.

So I give you the I-liked-the-period-wallpaper-so-much-I-made-a-pair-of-trousers-to-match.

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It was a gorgeous feature in this Georgian house
we are looking to buy dah-ling

Perfect for blending in to the background at those tedious parties where you do not know anyone. Or rather, where no one will chat to you because you look like you have a bad case of Osbourne and Little-itus.

It would seem this affliction is not limited to the outdoors either. I spotted another complete version (as in jacket and matching trousers) in the supermarket aisle.

2010-08-05 001
Hmmm... what to use for drip-dry ensembles?
Fabulous. A bit passé, but hey. It is still the recession after all.

Next. Why Ugg boots are a bad idea. Anywhere, any time, any place. But especially on tube platforms.

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Comfy, schmumfy.

Sorry love. Really does you no favours.

And then there is this. Apologies about the photo. Random man was in a hurry to get off and messed up the perfect shot.

2010-09-08 003

So I had to make do with another shot through the carriage window. Have you guessed what this woman is carrying yet?

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I like my creature comforts. Even when slumming it.

A pillow. Yup. A full size pillow complete with Oxford-style pillow case. And a ginormous back pack.
So a question here: if you are going trekking round the world, and carrying all of your worldly goods and possession on your back, and doing things on the cheap and roughing it where necessary, why in heaven above are you taking your pillow with you? Have you not thought of either a) getting an inflatable one, or b) sleeping without?

I might be missing the point – in fact I probably am – but hauling my bleedin’ pillow round the world with me sounds, well, pretty stupid really. Unless it is to win a bet, like Tony Hawks lugging a fridge round Ireland.

Anyway. I also spotted this beauty:

I am wearing a mis-feat of engineering

What the bejeezus are you wearing on your feet woman? Miniature bats? Ear muffs? Cast-off squirrels?

Oh, and this. The classic 1661. A double dose what's more.


Don't believe me? I sprinted ahead of them to get proof. Faces so frozen by botox that even if I scared them with my antics, it certainly did not show.
Ze bride ov Wildenstein haz nussink on me, ja?

But by far the one that has amused me most was this:

Oh! Is that our bus Hilda?

This woman casually stepped out of a shop on the main street. With just one shoe. Unflustered, not bothered, seemingly at ease with her new-found foot-freedom. Most bizarre.

But finally, just to show that I am still at large on public transport - and will be again soon on a daily basis, you have been warned - here is a taster for you of things to come.

I give you the 'any-hair-colour-so-long-as-it-matches-my-top' candidate of the week:
Grace Jones eat your heart out
Right. Back to the grindstone then. Contacts to chase, paperwork to sign...

Disclaimer: these posts are not meant to offend, they are totally tongue-in-cheek. If you have been captured on film, congratulations, you caught my attention. If this offends you I am truly sorry. A simple email with proof of identity will see you removed tout suite. Just like that.

Yadda yadda yadda...