Monday, 7 June 2010

Five of a kind

You know when you attend a job interview and the inevitable question arises, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" Yup, that one. The one anyone with an ounce of common sense should never ask an interviewee. (A far more interesting question is to turn the tables and ask the company/person interviewing you "Why would I want to work for you?" - the answers I have been given over the years are worthy of a whole other post).

I have, in my lifetime of (numerous) job applications, expanded on traditional versions of the standard reply - which, for the record, is typically a safe and predictable "Oh, well, ideally continuing to contribute valuable expertise and profitability to your business..." - but for the sake of the tag by my lovely antipodean virtual friend Vegemitevix I will stick to the questions and not digress. Again.

So, let's see.

Where were you five years ago?
Heavily pregnant with Widget, moving house, juggling solicitors, banks, vendors, purchasers, builders, toddlers (aged 2 and 1), nurseries and pick-up/drop-off, removal vans, shopping, laundry, nappies, cooking, hospital appointments and imminent visit by parents.
Oh, and we had no flooring in the new house (concrete dust for two weeks, anyone?).
And OH was at a three-day conference up north (left the old house, returned to the new one - ta-dah, just like that).
Oh yes, almost forgot. I was also still working full-time. Looking back I must have been bonkers. Still am probably. Which is why I continue to work full-time. Preserves some semblance of sanity, as per my tag line.

Where would you like to be in five years time?
Now, if only I had a tenner for every time I have been asked this question, I would not need to bother with the last one on this list (the billionaire one). Okay, slight exaggeration, but you get my drift.
Five years, five years ... *nods off in distraction*

Sorry, dozed off for a minute there. How about not being particularly fussed as long as I get to have a lie-in every now and then? Preferably one that does not entail a small person standing by your bedside at 5.30am and scaring the bejeezus out of you while they ask in saintly tones whether they can wear their bridesmaid's dress to school today for show and tell pleeeeeeease mummy? (Answer: nogobacktobeditismuchtooearlyzzzzzz...)

What is on your to-do list today?
List? What list? I dealt with everything yesterday.
Now why is my alarm beeping on my phone... Oh yes. Lunchtime. Must remember to eat.

What five snacks do you enjoy?
  • Ice cream, preferably made with best quality Madagascan vanilla, none of that artificial sugary stuff
  • Spicy wasabi peas.
  • Ice cream
  • Panda Finnish Licorice
  • Ice cream
 What would you do if you were a billionaire?
  • Send Ant and Dec to a deserted island with no viable means of transport home
  • Paint the London Eye flourescent pink just to annoy everyone
  • Give Simon Cowell a tongue stud and a mohawk
  • Put Katie Price on a space mission to Mars and then forget she was 'launched'
  • Make TfL drivers and guards go on compulsory training courses so they can make announcements in intelligible English, or alternatively belt out popular tunes to keep waiting passengers amused
  • Ban cars from Richmond Park
  • Make four-day working weeks compulsory by law
  • Have anyone who persists in talking about the weather/Royal family/'slebs (delete as appropriate) during dinner parties or other social gatherings perform renditions of 'Time of my life' in the middle of Trafalgar Square. On an elevated stage. In their underpants.
Aside from that I would pay off the mortgage, divvy up the rest between the family and live life to the full.

So who to tag now?
How about Ladybird World Mother, Expat Mum and Milla at Country Lite? Am sure they will have a more serious take on this than me.


  1. Oh that's ace. Excellent idea bout Katie Price. I hate the whole Wag, fag/celebs bollocks here! x

  2. OK, this may seem to some a tiny bit selfish and self centred but if one day you do become a billionaire please don't ban cars from Richmond Park (or all but blue ones maybe). I find it so convenient to go shopping into kingston and seeing the deers put me in appetite for a good steak...

  3. To do lists?? Hate the buggers... I like 'ticked off and bloody done lists.'
    Right... rolling up the blog sleeve and about to type... oh, and so glad 'slebs' fans get to perform in their underpants... can we throw stuff at them too? Please? xxxx

  4. Vix - And we wonder why this nation is obsessed with boobs. Pah!

    Nathalie - 'just' for you, I will issue a permit to drive through RP, in horse-drawn carriage only.

    LWM - get typing! And yes, permission to throw stuff. Preferably things that stick or make gooey mess.

  5. Fab post as ever, my dear - so inventive with your uses for the billions!!

  6. LOL your commenters are as nuts as you! The deer puts Nathalie in the mood for some steak! PMSL!!

  7. Ooh, blog fodder. Thanks. Can't promise to deliver a sensible post though! I have one rant to post and then I'll do this.

  8. I have to do lists all over the bleeding house and then feel quilty because I find them days later burried under newspapers and bank statements and forgot to do what's on them! I love lists though. I'm just not great at fullfilling them!

  9. Your billionaire answers are the best!!!


Life is too important to be taken seriously (Oscar Wilde).
Leave me a comment. I may consider the alternative (LCM).

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