Sunday, 7 March 2010

Wish you were here - postcards from the edge of sanity: Part Quatre

It has been a while since I wrote some of these, but inspired (again) by Fraught Mummy and taking my cue from the originator Kat, I think it is time for another round.

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Dear Left Hand

Yeah, I know, you are over-worked and tired and cranky and pretty sick of that lazy good-for-nothing Right Hand taking time off.

So am I.

Get over it and think of the muscle tone you are building up.

Sincerely,
Your Owner

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Dear Ugg boot wearers,

'Boot' is a misnomer. They are indoor slippers for crying out loud. Yes, I hear you, "so comfortable, so warm, so whatever". They are revolting, regardless of who is wearing them. The clue is in the name, get it?

Please refrain from taking them outdoors, and above all, definitely definitely DO NOT wear them with your smart tailored suit. Honestly, all that hard work to climb up the corporate ladder and then you make yourselves look like a tarted up Mrs Mopp.

Thank you
Disgusted (not from) Tunbridge Wells

p.s. And if you still really insist, do us all a favour and pick your flaming feet up when you walk with the damned boots on.

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Dear Mr Man

Just as well I enjoy rugby as standing in a wind chill factor of what felt like minus 10 today to watch you win your county festival shield for over three hours almost gave me serious sense of humour failure.

That and minding Blossom and Widget who were intent on getting about as muddy as you were despite not actually playing.

Love you loads. Brilliant tries.

Your very proud
Mother xx

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Dear Walter Salles Jr

What can I say? I just watched 'The Motorcycle Diaries' and loved it. Why it took me so long to get round to seeing this film is another story altogether, but never mind that, I finally did.

Thank you.
LCM

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Dear Fellow Tube passengers

No, I do not have a prosthetic arm. I know it looks like that when I am wearing my extremely trendy spandex glove and splint during my travels, but it is actually to protect my broken wrist from all your jostling and pushing and shoving and barging for that spare place in the carriage.

So when I wiggle my fingers and you recoil in disgust, just remember to give up your seat to those who are more deserving.

Like the three different pregnant women I stood up for again last week.

Oh, and how did I break my wrist? A severe case of punching, since you ask.
(Never mind it was the ice who was the recipient).

Bon voyage!
LCM

6 comments:

  1. Oh I LOVED the motorcycle diaries. How on earth did it take you so long to see it?

    PS - I love my Uggs, but do only use them as indoor slippers and moments of desperation running to the shops. Is that ok? but they are so comfortable and warm and when it is -15 warm is needed!

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  2. Loving the severe case of punching ...

    Uggs are the spawn of Satan though, with you on that

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  3. I hate Uggs but I think secretly they'd feel nice inside. But why do wearers shuffle???

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  4. Absolutely love it. Although I'm one of those twats who wear ugg's. Being from australia... I would never wear them anywhere but inside my house back home, however over here.. what the hey...I embrace all that is totally wrong about this concept. Why? Because no one really knows me here. x

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  5. Gratitude Tag for you over at mine - Alice's one about mothers - if you fancy it. x

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Life is too important to be taken seriously (Oscar Wilde).
Leave me a comment. I may consider the alternative (LCM).

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