Friday, 19 March 2010

LCM goes for a pedicure... Vietnamese style

Warning: If you are in any way going to be offended by (possibly) non-PC sarcasm, then bog off.

Otherwise read out loud for best sound effects.

LCM (walking in to salon) - I'd like a pedicure please

Salon Nail Technician #1 - cundoowunerti (yells something unintelligible to another person located downstairs)

LCM - Oh. Okay I'll come back (starts walking out the door)

SNT #1 - no sukay tukasi

LCM reverses and sits down

SNT #2 - chiusakalah

LCM wanders over to vast wall of nail varnishes and selects a very bold deep red

SNT #1 - yugodunsteh

LCM obligingly descends into the basement salon area

SNT #3 (pointing) - sideh

LCM takes off shoes, sits in pedicure spa chair and puts feet in hot boiling water. Withdraws them immediately.

SNT #3 - wadatuot?

LCM (wincing) - Er, yes, a bit (a lot actually)

SNT #3 (adjusting temperature) - triageh

LCM - Thanks, that's better.

SNT #3 (inspecting LCM's feet) - yuwankuh?

LCM (slightly aghast, then comprehending) - Yes please

Brief interlude as LCM relaxes enough to read book.

SNT #3 (holding heel in hand) - yuwanbleh?

LCM - (WTF?) Sorry? Oh, yes thank you

A few minutes later...

SNT #3 - disyukalah?

LCM nods.

SNT #3 - yuafmuhnikuh?

LCM - Yes, I think I will actually

LCM proceeds to waddle upstairs with splayed toes in lurid blue separators and wearing fetching paper slippers that slide off feet at least opportune moments.  Has vision of falling and breaking other wrist due to inability to balance on own legs whilst totally sober. Unless you count the fumes from the acrylic nail counter.

SNT #3 - yuwansemkalahohan?

LCM - No, I'll go for natural thanks

Manicure duly takes place, albeit with somewhat awkward massage of right hand which will (still) not flex backwards meaning SNT #3 handles it like a marginally repulsive piece of meat.

SNT #3 (pointing, again) - stikemdeh

LCM puts nails under dryer. And waits. And waits. And waits.

Some 20 minutes later, SNT #2 returns and pulls out LCM's hands from dryer, flicks nails to check hardness of varnish.

SNT #2 - sukay yugonah

LCM (struggling to put on socks and shoes single-handed without risk of smudging) - Ok, thank you, see you again soon

SNT #1, #2 and #3 (in chorus) - sukayseeyulaydahnizewickend

Will I be going back?

Of course. I need to hone my interpretative skills.


  1. Hee hee this made me laugh. Reminds me of going for mani/pedi when I lived in Asia.

    MD x

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  3. That's great - is this in the City ?

  4. Perfect. All good manicures are accompanied with incomprehensible commentaries.

  5. MD - even when in Asia myself I do not recall having this much of a problem with interpretation! Must be me.

    MAM - sadly not, further west. Email me if you want details as can certainly recommend (and you know what to expect re commentary now!).

    FM - bizarre things is not understanding a WORD of their banter and then making things up in my own mind as to what they must be talking about, eg "Crikey have you seen the state of this one's big toe?" or "You would think this lady would shave her legs once in a while..." or "I am busting for a pee, can someone take over here?" and similar.

  6. Love this post!! All the salons here are staffed by Thai or Vietnamese ladies and I have the same interpretation issues.

  7. That post was SO funny! Just laughed my head off...

  8. I love it, you have got it completely spot on, it reminded me so much of the little Thai girls that used to do my mani/pedi in London before I left for the countryside, now it's all very English here.. Very glad to have found your blog I was directed here by muummmmmeeeee...

  9. That's very's a bit like that in the Welsh Velleys some times!

  10. Kate - we can exchange notes at some stage and see if end results were the same

    Muummmmeeeeee - remember to cross your legs when laughing so hard ;-)

    NWLG - so glad you stopped by!

    FINTF - ah yes, the Welsh valleys... fond memories (am married to a Welshman, albeit from Cardiff) and lots of consonants.

  11. What a wonderful write-up! I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

  12. Struggling with some of that... but very amused by the ones I did get, especially the final greeting.

  13. Angels - thanks for compliment and so glad to have made you laugh!

    Iota - Will do audio version next time, just for you!

  14. We also seem to have a lot of Far Eastern nail bars springing up in the area, have often wondered what they were like - thank you for the warning ;-)

  15. JulieB - despite the interpretational difficulties, I can highly recommend them. Good service and value for money.

    And happy to provide translation should you need it. You know where to find me.

  16. ha ha ha, I can just see it all in front of me as i'm reading. brilliant.

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