Warning: If you are in any way going to be offended by (possibly) non-PC sarcasm, then bog off.
Otherwise read out loud for best sound effects.
LCM (walking in to salon) - I'd like a pedicure please
Salon Nail Technician #1 - cundoowunerti (yells something unintelligible to another person located downstairs)
LCM - Oh. Okay I'll come back (starts walking out the door)
SNT #1 - no sukay tukasi
LCM reverses and sits down
SNT #2 - chiusakalah
LCM wanders over to vast wall of nail varnishes and selects a very bold deep red
SNT #1 - yugodunsteh
LCM obligingly descends into the basement salon area
SNT #3 (pointing) - sideh
LCM takes off shoes, sits in pedicure spa chair and puts feet in hot boiling water. Withdraws them immediately.
SNT #3 - wadatuot?
LCM (wincing) - Er, yes, a bit (a lot actually)
SNT #3 (adjusting temperature) - triageh
LCM - Thanks, that's better.
SNT #3 (inspecting LCM's feet) - yuwankuh?
LCM (slightly aghast, then comprehending) - Yes please
Brief interlude as LCM relaxes enough to read book.
SNT #3 (holding heel in hand) - yuwanbleh?
LCM - (WTF?) Sorry? Oh, yes thank you
A few minutes later...
SNT #3 - disyukalah?
SNT #3 - yuafmuhnikuh?
LCM - Yes, I think I will actually
LCM proceeds to waddle upstairs with splayed toes in lurid blue separators and wearing fetching paper slippers that slide off feet at least opportune moments. Has vision of falling and breaking other wrist due to inability to balance on own legs whilst totally sober. Unless you count the fumes from the acrylic nail counter.
SNT #3 - yuwansemkalahohan?
LCM - No, I'll go for natural thanks
Manicure duly takes place, albeit with somewhat awkward massage of right hand which will (still) not flex backwards meaning SNT #3 handles it like a marginally repulsive piece of meat.
SNT #3 (pointing, again) - stikemdeh
LCM puts nails under dryer. And waits. And waits. And waits.
Some 20 minutes later, SNT #2 returns and pulls out LCM's hands from dryer, flicks nails to check hardness of varnish.
SNT #2 - sukay yugonah
LCM (struggling to put on socks and shoes single-handed without risk of smudging) - Ok, thank you, see you again soon
SNT #1, #2 and #3 (in chorus) - sukayseeyulaydahnizewickend
Will I be going back?
Of course. I need to hone my interpretative skills.