Thursday, 10 December 2009

La lettre circulaire - LCM version (also referred to as the 'Je ne regrette rien' Xmas special)

Day 18 - and I am blatantly nicking Potty Mummy's idea and writing a (fictitious, just in case PFE is snooping) Xmas circular letter.
Please note the various anecdotes in italics. I have included these just in case you have misplaced your sense of humour and need reminding where to laugh.

Dear All,

What a year it has been, I barely know where to start. I am about to embark on a rant of tumultuous proportions, so look away now if you do not wish to feel inferior in any way.

The year started off promising enough. The darling children were settling in so well at school and making excellent progress, showing great promise and receiving much praise from their teachers and peers. I have spent so much money already on after-hours tuition to ensure they can tell the difference between Kipper and Chip in those bloody early reading books, I will personally throttle the author if I can ever figure out who it is.

We took a much needed holiday in early spring to enjoy some wholesome skiing in the magnificent French alps. The air was so pure, the snow unbelievably fresh, and our skiing improved exponentially. The children made such fast progress in their ski school classes they were awarded honorary gold medals for their efforts. How sweet is that considering their young age? More f*cking money, cannot believe how much they bloody charge for a ski lesson, let alone all the damn equipment you need to do this sport. Whose idea was it that being towed up a mountain and slipping down it on long feet with no brakes was 'fun'? Give me a beer any day. 

Work has been eventful and full of surprises. Our outfit was acquired by an amazing multinational corporation who continue to surprise us with their advancements in technology and innovative ways of doing business. We are in awe of them and so grateful to be the recipients of such wisdom and foresight. It has been an eye-opening experience. It has been the biggest pile of sh*te you could ever imagine, only worse but I had better stop here or I will be tried for treason or whatever else they can levy at me.

We returned to that delightful abode of years gone by in Spain during the summer months and spent endless days soaking up the atmosphere, watching the children play in the pool and relaxing in the glorious surroundings. It was indeed the epitomy of true bliss.  I shouted myself hoarse and spent far too much time doing laundry to ensure we all had some semblance of clean clothes to wear. I came home to have a proper rest.

We have had many wonderful visitors this year, regaling us with all their travel stories and making our weekends so plentiful as they filled our home with laughter and brought generous gifts from lands afar. We always look forward to receiving everyone when they are in town, no matter how brief a visit. What else are friends for? What else indeed? Flippin' bloody cooking and cleaning and endless tourist visits to places packed with people I cannot stand. What is wrong with you lot? Ever heard of a hotel? I am not a free guesthouse.Or restaurant for that matter.

So as the year draws to a close we reflect on our good fortune and hope that 2010 will see you all blessed as we have been. As ever, we will catch up with you in person once the festivities are over and we have had time to adjust to the start of a new year ahead. I am still here. So is the spouse. We are still talking, albeit not on a regular basis. Why the hell you should think we would want to see you now when we have managed to avoid you for the past year is beyond me. But hey, hope springs eternal. Plus mother always told me to be polite.

With much love and best wishes from us all, I wrote this, no-one else had any input, not that you would notice,



  1. And do you put a charming photo of the family in too (a la American custom)?

  2. Of course! The very cheesy one taken just after the bribes had been paid to the children and prior to the major fall-out with your spouse. With suitable background just to rub in how 'down-to-earth' you really are, eg pristine golden sands or luxurious foliage or towering mountain peaks... yet not a muddy t-shirt, wellie boot or tent in site.


Life is too important to be taken seriously (Oscar Wilde).
Leave me a comment. I may consider the alternative (LCM).

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