Saturday, 26 September 2009

Wish you were here - postcards from the edge of sanity: Part Trois

Dear Mr Headhunter

When you say "do some background research on the company before the interview", how much faith do you truly have in my abilities?

I am only asking because in all my years of work in the City and past job searches (which, let's be honest, started before you were even a figment of your parents' imagination), this is actually a logical preamble to meeting a prospective new employer.

Just a point, you know. I could also read up on the latest footie scores and team players' shenanigans to add value to the small talk that invariably ensues. That's free advice for future candidates, by the way.

Yours loftily,


Dear Widget

I know you are only four. I know you love riding your bike and are quite a sight without stabilisers hurtling down footpaths and along the towpath.

However, there is something called proficient cycling - not that I expect you to be au fait with this at your age - which means that when you see two people walking side by side coming towards you, the aim is not to speed up and hope expect they will part and let you through. Even though they did. With rather astonished expressions and some curt remarks to me in your wake.

Two words: slow down.

Your slightly harrassed,


Dear Switchboard of Major Hospital in London

Putting me through - seven times - to a number that just rings and rings and rings and rings before going dead when anyone fails to answer it is not very helpful.

Especially when I am trying to be a dutiful citizen by actually canceling an appointment and rescheduling it, rather than simply not turning up at all.

And then we wonder why there is such wastage of time, effort and money in the NHS. I think it is called the 'personal touch'? Just an observation.

Yours rung out,


Dear Mr Weatherman

Overcast? Occasional light rain? Winds from the North? Glimpses of sun?

Tell me - is there a window in your office? It is glorious here with not a cloud in the sky.

Yours bewildered,


Dear Mr Headhunter (no.2)

When you say "I will get back to you by the end of the week", I take that to mean Friday. Or do you work to a different agenda perhaps?

Maybe I am just being a bit tetchy about this job situation, however if I gave any of my clients the same line and then actually responded some four days late, I somehow expect that they would be a little - how shall I put this succinctly - pissed off?

Just a matter of courtesy, customer care and all that goes with it, nothing personal. No placement means no commission, remember?

Yours (more professionally)

1 comment:

  1. Grrrr to the headhunter. And grrrr to the hospital for not answering the phone. And yey!! to the boy on the bike!


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