Sunday, 16 August 2009

Wish you were here - postcards from the edge of sanity

Hot on the heels of Kat and Fraught Mummy, I hereto also wish to post some rantings:

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Dear Righteous Lady on the Tube


If I open the window at the end of the carriage it is to increase ventilation on a hot stuffy day.

If you would prefer to smell other people's body odours for the duration of your journey, that is fine with me, just do it somewhere else. Do NOT, however, close the window again.


Next time I will personally eject you from the train. At the station of course. And there will cheering from the sidelines.

Yours hot and bothered,

LCM


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Dear Very Obviously Pregnant Lady on the Tube


I am happy to give up my seat for you. You don't have to ask. In fact, you never do. I wish you would. This is the third time in two weeks I have done this whilst that fat bloke over the aisle pretends to have found a VERY interesting article to read in the Metro (what tripe), and daggy-boy with the jeans below his ar*e claims ownership not just of the 'priority' seat, but also of the whole area around him.

Please be more forceful. You have earned the right to sit down. You have a voice - USE IT.
It is hard enough dealing with rush hour without having to fight battles on your behalf in a gesture of sisterly solidarity.

Your compassionate knight(ess) in shining armour,


LCM



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Dear Mr Man and Widget

When mummy says "No more water games please," she really means it.

Stop. Now. Or. Else.

Wetly,

Your intolerant mother

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Dear Blossom

Cleaning up after your brothers will earn you a gold star.

Whinging about it will not.

Ticking them off for making a mess in the first place will only have your father comment how much you sound like me.

Your elder twin

Mother

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Dear Other Half

Can you please stop eating the special treats that are for the children's packed lunches? They are disappearing in half the time they should and yes I know you are also hot and bothered when you get back from work and want 'something' with a nice cup of tea. I know you like chocolate but M&M's are not quite up there with Green & Blacks.

Unless you are a child. And last time I looked I had three, not four. Children, that is.

Yours

Chief Grocery Shopper

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Dear Station Master

Next time you tick me off for using the exit gate at my tube stop that is supposedly only for prams/wheelchairs/mobility impaired individuals/people with bad knees, are you planning to arrest me?

Treating me like a disobedient child will only encourage me to do it more often. It is a lesson we understand well in my household.

Yours

Little Miss Naughty

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3 comments:

  1. Brilliant. I hugely agree with the comment about the treats for the kids. If I put anything nice in the cupboard, Mark has eaten it within minutes.

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  2. God, you can actually get through that exit gate? You MUST tell me the secret (and thus prevent me having to manhandle Charlie's pushchair over several barriers, all I haste to add, under the reproachful and unhelpful gaze of London Transport operatives. Perhaps they're only there to scowl at you?)

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  3. Love these postcards. Doesn't it feel theraputic to write them. I've another post like this coming on.

    With you on the water games. Every step of the sodden way.

    Yours, slightly damply, FM x

    ReplyDelete

Life is too important to be taken seriously (Oscar Wilde).
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